My best photoshops of 2023
Plus a holiday horror story
Every Monday night, I join my good friends from Utah over Zoom for a live podcast/Youtube show called Polyester Blend Live. The focus of PBL mainly centers around Utah news, sports, and history, but there are regular segments that don’t focus on Utah. For starters, I do a weekly recap of Mary Worth called “Mary Worth It?” where I read the latest comic and then ask the other people to decide whether they’d read the comic again. Our show has broad appeal and is very popular.
Another segment is called “You ‘shop, bro?” where we go head-to-head to create the best photoshop based on a new theme every week. Our art is then judged by an independent party, who looks for technical skill, creativity and originality.
There’s no other way to say this, but I rule at photoshop. This is not based on how many times I’ve won “You ‘shop, bro?”, but on how much I love my own pictures. Which is a lot.
Here are my top shops from 2023.
1. Theme: Ideal Superbowl snack spreads
There are few things I care less about than the NFL, but I like gambling, so when some friends invited me to join their football pool last year, I jumped in. I quickly remembered that gambling is only fun if you a) know what you’re doing and b) are winning. I ultimately ended up winning $70 because at the beginning of the season, I randomly and serendipitously picked the Kansas City Chiefs to win the whole thing, and they did. Pure luck. But it was a reminder to stick to things that I know, like photoshop. To me, Pan’s Labyrinth has the best food spread of any movie. Never actually seen the movie, but it just seems like a really nice party.
2. Theme: My album cover
This was the first in a series of cover images for physical media. Just want to point out that I’m doing a face that stand-up comedians often do in promotional material, and I’m not proud. Stand-up comedians do three faces in their posters: 1. PREPARE TO DIE LAUGHING! 2. I am so very sleepy. And 3. Ope, just stepped in dogshit. I’m doing the third one here.
3. Theme: My VHS cover art
If I were to make a movie about my life, no doubt it would be a horror movie because, well, life. For this one I dug deep into my subconscious and fished out the scariest thing I can imagine.
4. Theme: My memoir book cover
Listen, I’m not proud of parodying a Trump book. I’m not proud of the face I’m making here. I’m not proud of the amount of time I spent making this, or the title, or the general trajectory of my life. But I am proud of “a farter’s farter.” Can’t make an omelet and all that.
5. Theme: Alien encounters
Sometimes, “You ‘shop, bro?” acts as a mirror of society. Sometimes it’s a damning commentary on the modern world. And sometimes, it’s a document reflecting a historic moment in time. This was a theme we did while the Congressional hearings about UFOs were happening. Personally, I would welcome any alien encounter. I think they would be very nice and helpful, as portrayed in this image.
6. Theme: Animorphs cover
I’m not really sure if my Animorphs shop is me turning into Hooch from Turner & Hooch, or if I’m turning into the actual DVD copy of Turner & Hooch. Frankly, I don’t care. One thing I know about art is that it’s often confusing.
7. Theme: New monsters
Around Halloween time, we challenged ourselves to create new monsters. I call my monster “Bigger Foot,” and here he is stomping Harry from Harry and the Hendersons to death.
8. Theme: Gambling addiction
I mentioned earlier that me and the PBL like to gamble. If there’s something we can put action on, we’ll do it. But gambling addiction is serious, as evidenced by this When The Fun Stops ad created from the Nevada Council on Problem Gambling. We decided to contribute to society and make our own When The Fun Stops PSA ads. Here’s mine for Kendama.
9. Theme: Mugshot
A certain idiot had a famous mugshot this year, so we set out to create our own. Not sure what my crime here is, but it’s most certainly political. They won’t call me the Robin Hood of Beef ‘n’ Cheddar for nothing.
10. Theme: San Diego hurricane
In August, San Diego prepared for a hurricane. We were told to stay home, businesses closed, and the first day of school was canceled. But, like every sports team in this city, the San Diego hurricane did not live up to expectations, which is good, but made me feel silly for going to Costco for supplies (btw if you want to see humanity at its worst, go to Costco the day before a hurricane). Anyway, this is me in a hurricane.
Holiday horror
Many years ago, I was watching National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, and I thought This is just a few notches away from being a horror movie (in fact, I’ve written before about how most John Hughes’ movies are kinda secret horror movies). But a decade ago, I wrote a reimagining of Christmas Vacation as a horror story, and all I really had to do was describe the plot. The literary journal Hobart published the story back in 2013, so this year marks the tenth anniversary. It’s still one of my favorite pieces I’ve written, and I hope you enjoy it.
Got a tip or wanna say hi? Email me at ryancraigbradford@gmail.com, or follow me on Twitter @theryanbradford. And if you like what you’ve just read, please hit that little heart icon at the end of the post.