Hey Hot Topic, give Vera Drew a sponsorship, you cowards

Trans artist seeks to finally experience her emo teen goth-girl phase with brilliant web series

If there’s one thing that emo gets right, it’s the hardship of being a teenager. Can’t drink, can’t vote, lame parents, rules, curfews—really, the only virtue of being young is the unabashed opportunities to wallow in gloom, and that’s not something to take lightly. There’s a certain—not pleasure per se—but satisfaction that comes from expressing darkness and sadness. When you’re young, what else can you do except indulge in those hormone-amplified feelings? And any adult who doesn’t sort of relate to the Kurt Cobain lyric “I miss the comfort of being sad” is either lying or a serial killer. 

Unfortunately, Emmy-nominated TV editor/artist Vera Drew never got to experience the comfort of being sad. At least not in the way she wanted. 

“I don’t have any regrets in my life,” Drew says over the phone. “But I do have genuine sadness that I didn’t get to experience my high school emo girl phase. That’s real. I can remember wanting that.” 

This sentiment lays the groundwork for Drew’s gut-busting, frightening, touching, and raunchy web series, Hot Topics with Vera Drew. The show follows Drew’s attempts to get sponsored by the infamous purveyor of mall-alt-culture, Hot Topic, which has long been a bastion (and punchline) for goth, emo and punk kids. But Drew, who came out as trans later in life, getting a sponsorship from Hot Topic would be like jumping head-first into the emo pool. 

“I do love Hot Topic,” Drew says. “Most of my clothes are from Hot Topic because their sizes really work for my body. It’s something they should really capitalize on. I know a lot of trans people that prefer Hot Topic because the sizing is more accurate and the styles are cute.” She laughs: “Here I am being a saleswoman.”

But to think that Hot Topics with Vera Drew is merely an opportunity to shill for the retail store would be a mistake. At three episodes in, it’s clear that Drew has created something far more monstrous and bonkers. Each episode is roughly 10 minutes of early Tim Burton-inspired pandemonium, complete with animation and original songs, and strays from her main focus with horror-inspired tangents. For example, her most recent episode features a four-minute psychedelic sequence that retells her IRL battle with COVID-19 (“It was like nothing I've ever felt”). It has a Pink Floyd-inspired tune sung by comedian Tim Heidecker and composed by Justin Krol and Quinn Scharber. There’s also a stunning animated sequence created by Isabelle Aspin, which renders Drew as a bat flying through blood rain and I think shit? It’s glorious.

“A few years ago, I was trying to develop this character that was kind of like a horror host because I was really getting into Vampira,” Drew says, explaining her inspiration. “I especially liked the idea of vintage-era Vampira versus Elvira. You know, sort of like horror host wars. But that idea kind of morphed into this. I really love Pee Wee's Playhouse, and I really wanted to make my occult Pee Wee’s Playhouse.” 

Of course, Drew probably couldn’t realize her ambitious gothy vision without a staggering amount of experience under her belt. She got her start as an intern on The Eric Andre Show, which was produced by Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim. 

“My first day on staff. I was asked to set up a light on a c-stand, and I’m fairly certain I had to Google what a c-stand was,” she says, laughing.

Since then, Drew has worked on Sacha Baron Cohen’s Who Is America, as well as a handful of shows from Heidecker and Wareheim’s Abso Lutely Production company—which, tbh, has created some of the funniest and most subversive shows that have ever been on TV—including Nathan For You, Bedtime Stories and the new sitcom parody (and current critical fave), Beef House, on which she also has a co-executive producer credit. 

“I really hope we get to make more Beef House,” she says. “Because it was one of the coolest jobs I've ever had. We have an episode where somebody gets blasted with, like, 40 gallons of diarrhea. There was an afternoon where I had to go and hang out with the guy that does Nickelodeon slime to just see what the best consistency of our diarrhea would be like.” She laughs. “He's exactly what you picture Nickelodeon's slime guy looking like, too. Cargo shorts and just like the biggest fucking soul patch I've ever seen.”

It may sound gross—actually it is really fucking gross—but under all the scat, Beef House is an incredibly smart deconstruction of the sitcom, and reminds us how inherently nightmarish sitcoms actually are with their Lynchian laugh tracks, empty jokes, the simulacrum of human dialogue. And on top of that, intellectual deepness and genuine earnestness are laced through the show. 

Those same qualities are also what sets Hot Topics with Vera Drew apart. Yes, there’s cool spookiness, but the underlying vulnerability is what makes it one of the smartest things on the internet right now. Any comedian could’ve made a funny “sponsor me” series (“Two years ago I feel that every comedian was trying to get sponsored by La Croix,” Drew says), but Drew uses Hot Topics as a vehicle to tell incredibly affecting and personal stories about her transition, her late grandfather, and gender dysphoria. A Hot Topics sponsorship, in this case, is almost besides the point. 

Drew on her new set, which was constructed by Maddie Forrest.

“I have this really strong desire to make something deep, uniquely sweet, and almost cringe-inducingly sincere at times,” she says. “I’m so fucking tired of irony. So tired of nihilism. And I think authenticity is new for me.”

Authenticity is never easy to put out in public, but Drew has found that her story is connecting with people in a way that she’d never imagined. 

“I’ve met a lot of younger trans girls online who this show means so much to them,” she continues. “It’s crazy. I couldn’t have really predicted that. I knew that my story of always wanting to be an emo girl isn’t new to me—I definitely see that in my community a lot. There are a lot of trans goths, but just the sheer amount of people telling me that they related to the ‘I’m a Lydia Deets stuck in an Otho’s body’—that’s the first time I’ve gotten feedback like that. And now when I make the show, I don’t want to let those people down.”

Follow Vera Drew on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook. Also subscribe to her Patreon.

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AWKWARD COCKTAILS 

Hey boozehounds, good news: Kelly Davis is back on the cocktail scene! My former CityBeat editor and San Diego’s best cocktail writer asked if she could write about weekly recipes for this newsletter, and I don’t think I’ve ever had to make an easier decision. Without further ado, here’s Kelly.   

Hey there, folks. Welcome to a new feature called Awkward Cocktails, where each week, I’ll be sharing a cocktail recipe. Let’s start with one of my favorites, the Tequila Grapefruit, created by Will VanLeuven when he was at Little Italy’s Herb & Wood. It’s an easy, equal-parts cocktail (though Will recently recommended an alternative recipe*, which I’ll also share). The magic ingredient is Giffard Creme de Pamplemousse Rose, a grapefruit liqueur. You can’t go wrong with any Giffard liqueur — they’re all amazing. It’s also got Lillet Blanc, a fortified wine that’s a home-bar staple and great over ice. And, tequila. You can use any tequila. My go-to is Espolon (blanco or reposado) because it’s a great deal for the price.

1 oz. Giffard Creme de Pamplemousse Rose

1 oz. tequila

1 oz. Lillet Blanc

Combine all three ingredients in a shaker with ice and give it a good shake — 30 seconds, maybe — and strain into a glass. Or, if you have a long spoon, stir it with ice for 10 or 15 seconds. It’s best straight-up, but no one’ll judge you if you pour it over ice. It looks great in a coupe glass, but, really, just put it into something that holds liquid. And it’s meant to be served with a grapefruit twist, but I never have grapefruit around, so I just use an orange (here’s a great little video about how to do a proper twist).

*Here’s Will’s boozier version that’s a good option if you prefer less-sweet cocktails:

2 oz. tequila

1 oz. Giffard Creme de Pamplemousse Rose

1/2 oz. Lillet Blanc

(Looking for bartending tools, North Park’s Collins & Coupe is making home deliveries. For booze deliveries, try Drizly.)

 — Kelly Davis 

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THE ONLY CORONA ACTIVITY CALENDAR THAT MATTERS

Wednesday, April 22

Reading time: I usually try to acquaint you with a new author’s work for this part, but this week I’m going to point you to one of my favorite pieces of writing that I’ve ever had published. It’s called “Mad Inches” and it’s about snowboarder bros trying to come to terms with the death of their friend during an apocalyptic snowstorm. I mean, I don’t think I need to explain why I’m so interested in apocalyptic stories these days, but this one has an element of creeping claustrophobia that I love to see in other films and stories. It’s a long one, but I think you’ll like it.  

Thursday, April 23

Game time: When was the last time you shotgunned a beer? I’ve decided that I’m going to use this quarantine to become a perfect little frat boy, and have made it my mission to get really good at shotgunning beer. Every Tuesday and Thursday, I’m going to shotgun a beer on Instagram Live at 4:50 p.m. (PST). I lost half the beer to gravity on my first attempt, but I can only get better, right? Right? Watch me and/or follow along @rybradford (I’m set to private, but will very likely accept your friendship). 

Friday, April 24: 

Movie time: When I was a little budding horror nerd, I used to watch cable late into the night at my dad’s house (my mom didn’t have cable). One of my favorite shows was MonsterVision which was hosted by Joe Bob Briggs, who would play B-grade horror films and provide informational context and delightful, redneck commentary about them. In 2018, the streaming horror service Shudder brought Briggs back with The Last Drive-In, which follows the same format as MonsterVision, but for an R-rated audience, and it is a goddamn delight having Joe Bob Briggs back in my life, filling my soul with sweet nostalgia. Briggs’ encyclopedic knowledge of trash film is astounding even in the Internet age, and although he’s not always the most woke, The Last Drive-In quickly became my favorite Friday-night activity (live-tweeting bad films with the #lastdrivein community on Twitter is also really fun). This Friday, Shudder’s premiering season two of The Last Drive-In, so that’s what I’m going to be doing. And you should, too.

Saturday, April 25

Outside time: Okay, so the city just reopened up some of the neighborhood parks, which is cool, but I just imagine the entire population descending upon these open spaces like bros on descending on the the last IPA at a beer fest. That is, this is no excuse to go wild. I suspect that these privileges won’t last long because we as a city will manage to fuck it up (we can’t have nice things!), but today, take a brief stroll through your neighborhood park. Run your hands through the grass, remember nature and open spaces. Maintain social distancing. If it looks like there are too many people, move on. Don’t ruin this. 

Sunday, April 26:

Writing time: If you’re a paying subscriber to this newsletter, perhaps you read Monday’s special drug-issue of AWKSD (people have told me it’s “a good one”). However, drug/booze stories are generally looked down upon by The Man. In the first writing class I ever took in college, our teacher told us to avoid the three Ds: Drugs, dreams and delusions. I think the point was that there’s hardly ever a deeper point to the story except, “I got fucked up.” However, that doesn’t negate the fact that we still love to tell and listen to stories about chemically-enhanced misadventures. So for this week’s writing prompt, write about the best/worst/funniest time you ever got fucked up. Send them to me if you want: ryancraigbradford@gmail.com

Monday, April 27

Drawing time: Download this image and draw yourself using MS Paint, but make sure it reflects your emotions during the sixth and seventh weeks of quarantine. Send them to me, I wanna see them! ryancraigbradford@gmail.com

Tuesday, April 28

Quiz time: It makes me so upset when I read news about the USPS’s dire condition and the president’s refusal to bail it out. I honestly don’t know how something like the post office could become a partisan subject, but those are the stupid times we’re living in. Anyway, today’s quiz is all about the USPS. Click here to play it.

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CONTEST RESULTS 

There were lots of interesting results from last week’s pizza-themed quiz, notably the Noid-related question. If you have time today, go look at the wiki for Domino’s Noid character, which gets upsettingly dark. You’re welcome. Also, the first Sbarro was located in Brooklyn. If it had been in the Cottonwood Mall in Salt Lake City, Utah, do you really think I would’ve left that state?? 

I’m glad most of you overwhelmingly dislike Chicago-style pizza as much as I do. Jon von Gunten wrote: “It's a goddamn tomato casserole and anyone who prefers it should be drowned in a Rubbermaid container of Spaghetti-Os.” So he’s the winner. 

Not too many entries in the photoshop contest, but Josh Krimston made the sad James Hetfield image even sadder by putting him in front of the convention center for the now-cancelled Comic-Con. Now we know For Whom the Bell Tolls, and it’s SDCC. 

And here’s mine: 

Got a tip or wanna say hi? Email me at ryancraigbradford@gmail.com, or follow me on Twitter @theryanbradford. And if you like what you’ve just read, please hit that little heart icon at the end of the post.