Crazy Dems/mad libs
A preemptive report on the election results
Editor’s note: Due to working the polls this year, I did not have time to write an issue of AWKSD this week, so please complete the following in accordance with how election night turned out for you.
Hey! You look like a person who had _____ [number] _____ [alcohols] last night.
Well, it looks like _____ [president’s name] is the president, but maybe in a few days _____ [president’s name] could be the president. Thanks a lot, _____ [scapegoat]! I hope last night was _____ [tolerable emotion] for you. After four ____ [body part]-____ [gerund] years, things are looking ______ [adjective]. We’ve come a long way from the ____ [level of hell] and now we’re looking to enter _____ [different level of hell].
But what can we say — we’re living in ______ [there’s gotta be a synonym for ”unprecedented”, right?] times. Who would’ve thought that in the year _____ [our current year], we’d still have to choose between one _____ [adjective] old white man and another ______ [adjective] old white man. By my count, the score is ____ [high number] for hegemony; _____ [much lower score] for progress.
At least the campaign cycle is over. I think we can all agree that this one has been particularly ______ [adjective] for our ____ [human organ]. After this one, we all deserve a _____ [verb] on the _____ [body part].
Regardless of the results, I will most likely keep sliding through life as the ______ [figurative subterranean, slimy thing] that I am. It’s not that I don’t care — it’s just that the last four years have revealed our true natures. _____ [president] winning doesn’t change that. Our national cruelty has been released from the bottle, and it will be a long time before we get it under control. But a reciprocal goodness also exists. Humanity thrives outside of politics. And if you voted for ____ [Biden], you are proof that compassion exists.
Anyway, be good. Take care of yourselves. Now please enjoy this good newsletter.
_______ [words that make up a good newsletter]
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Julia Dixon Evans edited this post. Thanks, Julia. Go follow her on Twitter.